Dani Dyer has revealed that since the birth of her identical twin girls she has struggled with “incredible mum guilt”, juggling all three of her children’s needs.
The 27-year-old gave birth last May to Summer and Star, who she shares with West Ham United footballer boyfriend Jarrod Bowen. She also has three-year-old Santiago, who she calls Santi, with ex Sammy Kimmence.
“There’s definitely moments where I’ve just not left the house in days,” said Dyer, who won Love Island with Jack Fincham in 2018.
“Sometimes I struggle with trying to make sure everyone’s happy. I’m like, I’ve not taken Santi out in days – I feel so guilty if I’ve not taken him out to have a little bit of a run around,” she admitted.
“He’s been such an amazing brother and sometimes you just want to do more for him. That mum guilt thing of, am I doing enough? They don’t tell you that in the book you’re going to get this incredible mum guilt!”
Dyer, who is the daughter of EastEnders actor Danny Dyer says it was “a massive jump” from one child to three, and when her and Bowen were first told they were expecting twins, they assumed the sonographer had made a mistake.
“I didn’t believe the lady so much so that I booked another scan. It was a massive shock, I never, ever thought I would ever in my life have twins. We laughed all day, out of nerves.
“Anyone can have identical twins though, it’s just a freak act, the egg splits into two,” she explained – roughly a one in 250 chance, according to the NHS – as apposed to non-identical, which tends to run in the mother’s side of families.
But there’s an unspoken understanding between other twin parents, Dyer reckons. “It’s crazy, whenever you meet a twin parent they’re like, ‘God that first year was hard, that first year was madness’. I’ve met so many people who give you the same look and go, ‘Are you alright?’, because unless you’ve had twins you don’t realise.”
The reality TV star is helping to launch the new and completely free CBeebies Little Learners app, in collaboration with BBC bitesize, which aims to help children aged two to four develop and learn.
Research by BBC Children’s and Education last year found that 67% of the 2,010 parents surveyed felt concerned about what their child is watching, but 65% believed screens have the ability to foster creativity and communication in kids too.
“Santi absolutely loves to learn but he also loves to sing, he loves to play games, he can have independent play on [the app]. And I know he’s not running up a bill,” said Dyer.
The birth of Summer and Star was a world away from Santi’s birth. The first time around she was “devastated” she had to have an emergency C-section.
“I really wanted this ‘perfect birth’ I’d always planned. I’d always wanted this virginal birth, where there’s music playing and I’m in the water. It was the complete opposite – I was gutted.”
For the twins’ birth she had a planned C-section, which was “lovely” and “beautiful” – and her mum played the theme tune from the Rocky films while the girls were born.
At first it was hard to tell them apart, “They were pretty identical. But at the hospital they always had twin one on the left and twin two on the right, I still do that now. Somehow we just got into the rhythm of always putting them that way.”
Bowen, she said, always liked the name Summer, and Star was Dyer’s choice – inspired by a character in the film The Lost Boys.
“It was always twin two who was playing up a little bit [during scans]. Jarrod was like, ‘Well, twin two is yours then!” she explained – so she was named Star.
Her advice for raising twins is to “bring them up as one”, i.e. feeding at the same time and putting them down for naps at the same time. “Everything at the same time because otherwise, oh my God, you would just never get anything done.”
Plus, “Get all the help you can possibly get, because it will really get you through it.”
Dyer’s mum and Bowen’s mum lived with her at times during the newborn stage. “It was really nice because I really needed that.”
She described Bowen as a “fantastic” and “hands-on” dad, but said he was away a lot at the beginning due to football commitments. By chance, Dyer’s best friend Kayleigh had twins on exactly the same day, so they’ve had each other throughout the journey, and their kids play together a lot. “Between us it’s a creche. [We joke] they don’t need other friends, they have each other!”
She added: “The newborn bubble is amazing but it can be really emotional, so it’s good to have the right people around you supporting you if you need a little cry.
“[Having twins] is an amazing experience, I absolutely love it but yes, it is extremely hard.”
CBeebies Little Learners is a free app rooted in learning and developed with BBC Bitesize. It’s packed with free games and videos, and all the activities are based on the Early Years Foundation Stage curriculum.
